Thursday, July 24, 2014

Out with the old...


Gone are the days of the sweet LOLs (Little Old Ladies).  I have commented in the past that the social expectations and rules just don't seem to apply anymore.  Numerous times I have waited, arms full, pouring rain, trying to cross from a store to the parking lot while drivers just zoom by.  Not only do people rarely stop to allow pedestrians to cross but the worst offenders, in my experience, are the LOLs.  Yet, if you reverse the roles and I was the driver that rudely cut off a LOL pedestrian, I would have been scolded; and rightly so!  I would have been reprimanded by my parents!  It shouldn't matter the age, it's just common courtesy.

Of late, I have seen many unusual and unexpected activities by LOLs.  Talking into a calculator while thinking it was a phone.  Arguing with GPS navigator voice as if they were having a two way conversation and being ignored.  Looking for glasses while pulling out of a parking spot with no hands on the wheel.  These are just to name a few.  Today, however, I experienced a new kind of LOL.

As I was leaving the grocery store, I noticed a LOL getting ready to back out of her parking space.  I decided to wait in favor of keeping all my limbs and my life.  She was clearly distracted and taking her time but I wasn't in a big rush.  As she reverses and gets half of her car out of the parking space, she notices me standing there.  I smiled but apparently my presence had startled her so she began to yell expletives...at me... followed by something very similar to this...


...but with a colossal amount of anger.  Needless to say, I was taken back by this reaction.  So I stood there rather dumbstruck trying to decide between laughter or shock.  This didn't bode well and my apparent lack of apology truly enraged her.  Before I could register what was happening, she slammed on the brakes and proceeded to flip me off with both hands, wrapping her knuckles on the window in the process.  Again...I'm still deciding how to register this so I keep staring at this train wreck of a situation.  At this point the LOL is getting honks from a nearby car because she is still in reverse, has put her foot on the gas is is coming very close to hitting their car.  She shifts the car into drive, gives me one last glare and drives off yelling "If you were MY daughter, I would have taught you some F^#%ING manners!"

I must admit that I immediately looked around to see if anyone else had witnessed this debacle and once our eyes met, we both burst into such laughter that I thought my side would split.

There you have it.  There's a new kind of LOL in town and she won't being having any of your shenanigans.

Note:  Just because this story was focused on a LOL doesn't mean that LOMs are any better.  Usually, the LOL is chauffeuring the LOM.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

The Drake Equation


Today our little man turns 8.  In some ways it honestly feels much longer than 8 years.  In other ways I can't believe it's already been 8!  I remember my first day with Drake.  You go to the hospital to have your second (or 3rd, or 4th...) and after the baby is born and everyone fights over holding him and commenting on his hair or color or who he looks like, they all disappear.  *Crickets chirping*   Even the hospital staff.  It is almost as if they are thinking, "She's done this before, she won't need anything, lets go help the brand new mommy in room 3".  At one point I gave up on the nurse call button and roamed the halls in my rear a/c fashion gown (fairly certain ass chaps would have covered more) in search of water with ice.  Needless to say I had a lot of one on one time with him.  I couldn't stop staring at him or smoothing my hand over his head, or snuggling and smooching him.

I had been so worried before he was born that I wouldn't be able to love him the way I loved Robby.  How could you possibly be able to?  But when I held him and we were all alone, I felt like the Grinch.  My heart swelled and I realized how ridiculous I had been.  The love I had wasn't going to be split between the two, it doubles and triples.  I was so overwhelmed with just how magical and special he was to me.  He was mine.  And I didn't have to share him, with anyone, until the next day.  I remember saying to him, "Where have you been all my life?  I have been waiting for you."  I still say that to him, to both the boys.

I got to be Drake's Mommy.  I realize that just the thought terrifies some of you when you imagine being in my shoes.  But the rewards are never ending and I wouldn't trade places with anyone else.  Not ever.